hmm.. wat do you do when u have taken too much MCs from work.. and your work place is seriously short on staff? BUt then u still not feeling well.. GO to work loh.. :(

Yes this is wat i did.. after all my workplace the care is not real de..
hmm.. go to work.. haha.. i've been coughing so much.. tt my stomach n guts are all traumatised.. they behave in the same way as when one lau sai.. take med also no effect.. still lau sai..

only thing tt help me is those sports muscleache cream.. but i still feel like shit.. -_-" haiz..

new gloves in my workplace slippery.. my hands also soft from all the shitting, coughing n blowing.. while disposing a used needle it slipped from my left hand, got hooked in my right hand glove, splashed blood from my patient all over my hand n then poke my finger. -_-" damn... GG(gd game, wan dan)

now have to test my own blood.. dunno if my patient got HIV, HEP B or C or wat other wierd shits.. many pple dun declare what they have also..

haiz.. 3 mths later gotta test HIV again.. tmd.. -_-"

sian x 2


Hmm.. was on MC for 3 days..

So lonely.. everyday sit at home.. slp whole day.. nothing to do also.. no where to go... no one to speak to.. even if there was someone to speak to.. no one to connect heart to heart with..

It is so lonely, sitting here waiting alone.

Nobody ask how i am, nobody bother.
At the end of the day i wonder why do i bother to care for others or do so much for them.

And then i remember that xiaowei last time say.. she didn't want to be alone when she's sick.
Hmm.. yea.. I know why.. because it sucks. Tts why i was always trying to be there to the best i can..

Because I know, because I am always alone.


This whole week has been a really painful week for me.. I don't know how I should start it.. but my darling is no longer with me.. To me she's still a darling.. but to her.. I'm no longer anybody special. Just so tong ku.. everyday I am face with a lonliness.. and the pain and hurt that she's not by my side..

On the way to class on tuesday was so tough.. I know that i hurt so much inside tt i just have to struggle to keep all my tears in me.. If not MRT train pple will think i siao.. Kept my eyes closed through the journey.

Yea I miss her.. lots and lots~! Waiting everyday, wondering when we will get back together.. Or if we will even get back together.. :(
I Don't know what i can do or what i can't, wat i can sms her or what i can't. So for this week i just decided to give her morning call.. Hope i'm not disturbing her. Its sad to see that she don't even tell me that she has woken up.. or has left for work.. I know she didn't ask for those calls.. But yea I care that if she has woken up or not.. and sometimes I will just sneak off to try and make a few extra calls.. but then as the day goes by.. I learn to just give the basic. which is the 7am+ call and then just let it be.

Since she probably don't want me to call anyway, even if i go an extra mile.. even if i die doing so.. I kinda find that it will go unnoticed and unappreciated. Since no one bothers what I have to sacrifice to make the calls. The stares, the whispers, the unhappy colleagues.. and if its crowded i get the scoldings too..

I don't want to sms her during the day too because I do not want to interupt her thinking.. Being away from her.. and the pain of missing her.. they just add together.. and when the day gets really quiet or when I'm alone & not so distracted.. It just gets so unbearable that I wish I won't have to suffer so much. Yea.. I love her so much.. I can't do without her. Its a short 2 months, but she just fits right into my life. And soon before I know it, everything has been about her. I make every single day's plan with her included. My heart so empty, and each day has lost its meaning without her. Even my creative stone has hung itself on me, even more lonely.

Actually what my heart is looking for is really simple.. I just heard this song today.. And i feel that it sums up what i'm looking for.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlfPpPvGFS4

i want somebody to share
share the rest of my life
share my inner most thoughts
know my intimate details
someone who'll stand by my side
and give me support
and in return
she'll get my support
she'll listen to me
when i want to speak
about the world we live in
and life in general
though my views may be wrong
they may even be perverted
she'll hear me out
and won't easily be converted
to my way of thinking
in fact she'll often disagree
but at the end of it all
she'll understand me
i want somebody who care's
for me passionately
with every thought
and with every breath
someone who'll help me see things
in a difffernt light
all the things i detest
i will almost like
i dun want to be tied
to anyone's strings
i'm carefully trying to stay clear
of those things
and when i must sleep
i want somebody
who'll put their arms around
and kiss me tenderly
though things like this make me sick
in a case like this
i'll get away with it


Well.. a good number of pple dunno what is belthazor.. while some know.. n others soon learn what it is.. If you guessed its a name of a demon.. then yup you are correct~! TA DA~! *raining prizes* :P

Well.. i first heard this name from a tv series.. Charmed. Belthazor is the son of a demon(mum) and a human(dad). SO he's half demon, normally demons don't have human emotions but Belthazor has. He was sent on mission to kill some witch. But fell in love with her, n then destroyed his superiors instead.

SO he became a wanted demon while datingthe witch(Phoebe). Because of constant issues abt Cole(belthazor's human form name) being a half demon, phoebe tried ways and means to make him human fully.. like trying to remove his demon form without killing him. Cole was always out hunting some demon tt was hunting phoebe and her sisters. But because he was demon, they didn't trust his love for her.. n eventually phoebe lost her trust too. Through his quest of protecting phoebe.. Cole defeated the demon king together with phoebe and sisters but accidentally absorbed his powers(by then cole already had many powers from all the previous demon). Cole succeeded as the next demon king.. and didn't allow any harm to come to phoebe n sisters. But being demon king, made him all the more les trustworthy to those he cared for.

Eventually Cole became so powerful that he could bend reality. And was approached by Avartars.. to join the ranks of the indestructible immortals. He joined. By then things between phoebe and him weren't going very well because of her sister's constant brainwashings.
Out of pain Cole used his powers to go back in time, to find the phoebe that wld love him. But then at tt point of time, it wld also mean Cole nv became an avartar yet.. so he was destructible.
So phoebe n sisters seize the chance to travel there and atk Cole. He fought her sisters.. but loving Phoebe so much, he allowed her to kill him, he was so emotionally hurt by her actions.
But left her a letter.

"Dear Phoebe,
If I am dead right now I know it was at your hand. No one else in heaven or hell had power over me. Please dont cry. I was dead before i met you. I was born the day you loved me. And your love for me will keep me alive forever!
Love,
Cole "

yea.. found it so sad.. And i liked the character because he really tried so hard and his best in everything.
Hmm.. below is some short fan made MTV about Phoebe and Cole.. Also got show her putting down the stone to destroy him. O_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9uVml83yU8&feature=related


Long time ago I read a story about a time long gone. a story about the battle between good and evil. Except this one was different. Beside the Devil vs God, there was a 3rd party, Death.


What am i sia..
Why am i alone despite all the pple i know and have around me.. when the time comes when i need some1 there will be no one there. why am i treated like death, pple fear me, pple hate me, pple dun understand me, pple dun welcome me in most places, pple wanna use me, pple seek for me when they have troubles but forget i exist when they r happy, pple pity me like they pity a dying person on the streets or somewhere else. and there's no one who really would accept me. only the craze would accept me but then again the craze r too craze to understand me. Why do i do the things i do for pple? I don't know.. but I know i began my search a long time ago for a someone whom i can place my heart with, feel safe & accepted.

Of all the pple tt i was there for, none would come for me.
When my sa qi zhong, there would be no one who would at least just touch me & calm the me inside. I would only be a monster in all their eyes.

When I'm sad, no one would hold me and understand my broken heart. I would be viewed as heartless to them.

I'm really a fallen angel, so much in pain. There would be no one who's willing to be in my world. to understand. So alone, so lonely. What's the point in knowing so much tt i cannot tell.. cannot share, and all this knowledge would just distant me from everyone else.

Am i really the death, so forgotten and despised by humans, even though i care & love so much.
I'm not perfect.. and i may not do every task correctly.. it dun mean that i wanna get anyone hurt or in trouble.

I know i love my darling xiaowei, if it doesn't cause her harm.. i wld listen to wat she tells me to.
Maybe i'm just too blind.. that end up i fail to realised the future consequences of our choices.
But I bother about that so much. I just know I wanna protect her, and achieve my success as soon as possible to relief her from the heavy load that she has now.


Hehe.. today thinking of many things la.. firstly is thinking of how to meet my darling after i bookout from camp.

2ndly is thinking of how to give her a gift that i had gotten her for our relationship being 2mths old. :) THis is the first time that i have gotten a gift for such an occasion.. usually i would only give gifts on a yearly basis.

THe gift also not wrapped so jialat.. haha.. well everything was kinda last min.. on tuesday it was the day i quarrelled with my mum, went down to meet my dar n ting ting at S-11 and then I had to run off to collect some cash from my friend who also happened to be my debtor. What else to do? When one is planning a surprise there will be a need of resources.. :p

haha.. so wednesday went to buy Stone Plus With speaker for my dar.. was actually wondering wat colour to buy and in the end came to the conclusion that pink wld be the better colour to buy.. ^^

Bought stone plus liao.. then eh.. couldn't find any nice wrapping paper in the area.. so thought that the next day i would find wrapping paper near my camp area during lunch. End up during lunch me went to depot heights.. crap.. the shop there sell those super ugly looking wrapping papers only.. if not then wedding de.. :P wahahaha.. dun think i so fast getting married bah..
Not that i mind. :p

Hmm.. so in the end left 40mins in my lunch break.. RUN AH~! haha.. to Bukit Merah Central. Walked le 1 round then managed to find the paper that i wanted. haha.. then chiong back to camp.. woo.. reached back just nice.. 1pm... kai gong(work) wahaha.

After that cut case le.. wrap the present.. :D and my fren came in just when i finished.. haha.. then keep trying to guess the gift.. me told him can do what he want to figure out except crazy things like opening it n of cuz.. no poking it.. if not i will poke him till he have many holes :P
So in the end, could meet my dar dar tonight.. woohoo.. also bought a black sling back for her bro.. cuz he wanted the same 1 that i had.

Went to meet my dar at her home.. wow.. realised that she got TV liao.. don't noe where it came from but also no wanna ask. :) she seemed so tired.. wanted her to cheer up alittle.. her littlest bro not in.. so gave her the bag i bought for him and she didn't have much expression.. gave her the olympic glass i got for her from mac.. but she already had one.. in the end she still took it from me.. :) was really sweet of her.

Told her i had a gift for her.. and that me wanted her to open it after I left.. why? because i shy lah.. haha.. First time i doing such things.. :P I feel alittle silly.. but hey.. I just love to see a smile on Xiaowei, and so i try my best. :D

SHe say y not open now.. n i ok loh.. haha.. so cute watch her open.. and she was wondering what it was.. then in the end she asked if could tear open the wrapping.. I was ok with it and the STONE was reveal~! ta da~!

Haha.. her face beaming with a big big smile.. and it mademy heart really smile too.. Its been a long time dar, yes just like you asked me.. Its really a long time since i saw u smile like that.
haha.. so cute.. she asked "don't u find me no manners, nv say thank you?"

Well.. to me she already said thank you in her own way.. 1stly from that smile. And 2ndly when she asked me that question above. :D
haha.. watching her dig through all the stuff that came with it was really cute.. she seemed so excited.. THat day i learnt tt my dar dar.. can't use earphones, she needs clip-ons.. if not her ear wld hurt. :) Maybe if i see a pair of nice clip ons.. i'll get erm for her.. ^^

Haha.. actually for this day also got a greeting card de.. but dun wanna give her so early.. inside this self made greeting card which is actually made from a piece of paper into a pair of hearts which i coloured red.. yes i made it in camp. :) And I wrote a poem on a piece of writing paper n slotted in the back of the hearts.. Was too paiseh.. to give her later she read.. I think i would turn red? :p haha.. wanted to let her know how i felt about us and about her, and hope that she wouldn't give up too when we have our differences.

So in the end her bro came home.. even harder for me to give it to her.. haha.. in the end when i was leaving her home.. n she off the room light, i just dropped off the hearts in the dark somewhere near where she left the STONE packaging.. no idea if it fell into the paper bag it was sitting on.. or else where near it.. but wld let her know of it when i get back home. ^^

I hope that she would always smile when she think of everything that i done for her today, and always treasure it.

I love you darling.. always will~ :D


wootz.. today i woke up extra early.. haha.. think around 6am like that, because gotta prepare some stuff.. load some new games into my NDS lite, but most important of all is gotta head down to Khatib, my darling's place and "Gd morning mdm, the time now is 7am. We are please to inform you that its time to wake up le". :P haha..

Well... today must wake her up la.. cuz she told me tt she had to pass some manager something. If late de hua, sure mati de. :P haha.. so maybe u all wondering how i wake her up besides giving her morning call.. haha.. sometimes can call for 1hr+ she also no wake up de.. continous calling leh.. haha.. :P so shen qi :D well.. i would go there and knock knock on her bedroom window.. aiyo.. no la.. i not spiderman. :P just that her window is face the corridor de.

So when down, call her end up she woke up liao.. said her bro woke her up just now le.. but i think she kinda fell back to zzzz :P her wake up voice so ke ai de.. haha.. sounds very huggable. After that told her that got stuff to pass to her.. she was wondering what stuff, then she open window.. haha.. like those fairy tale stories like that whereby the prince always standat the window de :P except this time window not so high up. So me passed her a pack of chocolate chip and then left. :D hope the morning treat will brighten her day up and if she got no time to grab small bites.. maybe it will come in handy. ^^

HAha.. now gotta quickly chiong to go my camp to fall-in.. haha..but aiya.. chiong how hard also i know surely late de. cuz today got inspection, and inspection need to fall in earlier than usual. 1 week rubbish duty job here i COME~! Damn.. but still dun wanna reach there super late.. later = more nag.. :P so earlier is better.. cuz earlier also got chance to be on time.. but wa liew.. wait for the cab.. all nv come de.. strangely when left her home.. so many cabs pass me.. haha.. when i actually really waiting.. no have. wow.. really cabs and me just dun get along. haha. :P

SO wait loh.. until 7.25am like tt then got a cab. aiyo.. by then sure late le.. driver ask me which route i wanna take.. i asked which 1 faster.. he told me CTE.. bad choice.. i shd had taken adam road.. wahaha.. CTE got so many ERP.. so end up i reach camp is $16.80. i thought that was what i would be paying.. then uncle press meter liao.. i nearly died in the cab. $30.20. O_o WOOTZ! all is ERP charges & cuz i called for cab.

But well.. I didn't mind la.. cuz not like i always have to wake up my darling like that, and also even if I do, its not like it will always fall on a friday. In the meantime i guess I'll just have to clean the trash thinking of her bah.. :)

She's my little gem of encouragement ;)

+ 1 Banana per Entry(guys free)
+ Do not feed monkeys
+ Don't wack monkeys too
+ Done by my Sweetest DEAREST darling, Xiao Wei



Hello. I'm Moses. I'm 1000 years old. I love sucking blood. I'm not a vampire.But I'm a sweet nice giant guy. Do know me more!
[bold, underline, strike, italicize]






[Darling]
[A Putty Cat(It roars & bites)]
[Compassionate friend]
[Yandao]
[Yurong]



[June 2008] [July 2008] [August 2008]


+ A Darling i can love Wholeheartedly
+ Learn Driving again
+ Have a fashion style (haha.. maybe let my darling doll me up :P)
+ Neckties (it means alot to me to receive one, since previous tie has lost its meaning when my fren vanished
+ Shirt, polo-T & hehe.. bermudas
+ Get a starting job of at least $6k salary
+ Be able to provide for those close to me
+ Nurse Practitioner MAsters qualification
+ 5 digit Salary with MA cert
+ Early Retirement by 40yrs old
+ Start a pipeline income business
+ Spend the rest of my life being with those i love and having quality time together